There’s a deluge of advice for performers and would-be-performers – do little humming warm up exercises, breath slowly and deeply, be cool, be relaxed, don’t look at the floor…….. and engage in a open and non-threatening manner with those drunken psychos who happen to be there on your big night. And so on.
But there’s not much advice for that vital other half of the performance situation – the Audience. So I scrawled out a few tips on beermats during the soundcheck, and here goes:
The stage – even if it’s one metre square between the bar and the fag-machine – is a sacred space. Not a short cut to the toilets.
Great to see you dancing to the songs! but don’t lunge into the mic-stand and break my teeth, thanks.
Occasionally I’ll have a crack at covering songs I only half-know. But if I’ve never heard of your request, sorry – no amount of pleading or even offers of hard cash will grant me the magic powers to play it
Please don’t ask me questions while I’m playing guitar.
and double-don’t while I’m playing guitar AND singing. (Some sweet but birdbrained young ladies actually did that recently. Although I could take it as a supreme compliment. They BELIEVE I can play, sing, listen and speak at the same time.)
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